outline

I have received quite a bit of feedback regarding the last post, both online and offline. It seems to have resonated with folks who understand that relationships do fail – often painfully and publicly – but their failure is not a sign of future outcomes on similar paths. It is a time and environment specific event, full of particular personalities and details. I can agree to some extent, but that is really damn ambiguous.   The benefit of experience dictates the scope and depth of present relationships and their future, yes, but we should have some idea of how we would like our relationships to work by the time we have the words available to provide the basic outline. From that point we just work on the logistics of filling in that outline. All the specifics already exist. It is just a matter of arrangement.

furniture has no say in life
it was made to be used by people
how many times have you felt like a bookcase
sitting in a living room gathering dust
full of thoughts already written?

Fugazi, “Furniture“

I know that I am not meant to dwell, hoping that the memories are malleable to a point of bittersweet returns. There is no nostalgia for a lost sense of direction, no yearning for a hungry presence among deeply broken individuals. I am intuitive enough to understand a person’s trajectory towards the bottom, introspective enough to see ruins standing tall on the backs of my retinas. I have participated fully in this setback, probably put myself out there too far, now getting ready to do it again in new circumstances with new people within new geography.

I have learned that there is really no other way to go about it – embracing this life of layers we breathe like so much old skin – than just getting right the fuck on with things, albeit with a bit more resilience, learning how to fill out an outline like it is second grade all over again.